literature

Name, Identity, and Zangus (Prompt 11)

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Literature Text

Mateusz Zangus. Why does he still go by that name? Sure, Zangus is a well-known and well-respected name in Anhnyqueg, but he was adopted into the royal family. He has full right to their name, yet he still chooses to keep his own. This wouldn't be too odd had he been adopted more recently or if he had a good relationship with his relatives, but he doesn't.

His part of the family was always just a little odd. You see, the Zangus family was a strongly organized family. They often hired themselves out for various jobs, often as bodyguards and escorts to dangerous places. It's generally believed that this is how they amassed their fortune. There are rumors, however, that they have had their hand in outer city business on and off for a long time. These rumors have never been proven true and would depend on the leadership of the family anyway. A couple constants of the family have been their strong fighting abilities and their refusal to join the military. This is where Mateusz's part of the family branched off. His grandfather, Matias, joined the army, and the name of Zangus became notorious in that area of culture as well.

Matias was often assigned to duties in the outer city, which is not a place any soldier wants to be assigned. It was something of a hazing thing with a couple of the First Class Soldiers. All because of his name. It's all about the name. Matias, refusing to allow this harassment be something negative, decided to turn it into a positive. He built up a reputation in that corrupt city. He associated his name with honor and power. He gave that city at least one soldier to respect. A name to respect.

Matias never really retired. He married a young girl, and they had a son. Matthew Zangus would become the father of Mateusz Zangus. They lived in the outer city for the rest of their lives, though they visited the capitol when they could. Matthew Zangus never learned the typical Zangus skill of fencing, and settled into a different profession, one that was very odd considering where they were. After he married and moved out, he started a bookstore bearing the family name, giving the name more meaning once again. Matias stood for honor and power, and Matthew made the Zangus name stand for integrity and hard work. Once Matthew's children Mateusz and Madeline were born, family was re-introduced to that list in a new way.

Now, the outer city was not the best place to raise a family. It was dangerous and corrupt. It still is. The danger catches up with everyone eventually, in that city at least. When Mateusz was five, the Zangus name gained tragedy. The outer city was attacked by the Tyga. Matias fought hard for the city and Matthew did his best to protect his family. Of the Zangus family in that city, Mateusz was the only survivor. He escaped to the capitol and tried very hard to join the army. They tried to send him away, but he refused to leave. Eventually, Darius, the grandfather of the orphaned five-year-old princess, was called to handle the situation. Feeling for the boy, Darius took him in and raised him, training him to be a soldier once he was old enough. Having been a First Class Soldier himself, Darius was very well-equipped to do so.

Mateusz grew up and joined the army at 15, working hard to become the youngest First Class Soldier ever at 17. Most of the time, he insisted that people call him by his last name: Zangus. He carried a name that bore honor, power, integrity, hard work, family, tragedy, accomplishment, and pride. He made that his identity. He is Zangus. He carries the name; he is the name. Nothing will ever change that. Mateusz Zangus, one of the greatest soldiers Anhnyqueg has ever seen. One of the greatest men Anhnyqueg has ever seen.
I found this [link] and decided to try my hand at writing to the prompts. I'm not sure about this style, so comments are much appreciated.
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Hexaditidom's avatar
+Structurewise, this is not bad. An opener which makes the reader curious, and satisfies that curiosity, while being general enough to leave more story to tell. It could be the beginning of something bigger. Families and genealogies are one of the more difficult topics not to get lost in in writing, but this prompt keeps a tight boundary and helps the reader easily grasp the family relationships.

-The fifth paragraph: Having Darius introduced in the same thought that goes from "Mateusz" to "princess" to "boy" made it difficult to follow. I didn't immediately link "princess" with "Madeline" - I'm assuming that's who it is.
-Some physical descriptions would have helped paint a better picture. Not too much - just enough to get an idea of what the cities and people look like, or the geography of the area, or more about life in the army.
-"The Zangus name gained tragedy" seems too passive a description for that event. "Tragedy struck the Zangus name" is a more direct possibility, but there could be better ones.